I don’t think I have ever watched a super production more stupid and senseless than The Fate of the Furious. It is full of stars and it’s so empty, so illogical and so futile, it’s incoherent and it’s witless. Folks! It’s terrible; you know my allergies to junk like The Avengers (which I have labelled trash at least once), but believe me; The Avengers franchise is a masterpiece near this junk.
[source of all pics: imdb.com]
The Insane Plot
We have here a female villain very originally (Not!) named Cypher, played almost admirably by Charlize Theron. She was brilliant in Mad Max: Fury Road, so she got invited here too, only the screenplay is disastrous, so she acts blindly. Anyway, in order to cover the $250 Million budget, the plot line sounds something like that: “When a mysterious woman seduces Dom into the world of terrorism and a betrayal of those closest to him, the crew face trials that will test them as never before.”
Dom with Letty are in Havana, where he has a cousin. This cousin owns a wreck of a racing car but he is about to lose it because of a bad loan. Dom challenges the loan shark, races him and won with the wreck. He doesn’t take the guy’s car, and he pluses the ante, offers his expensive and race equipped Impala to his inimical cousin. It’s more cartoonish than any other installment before. Illogical stories in a country where you stay hours in queues for almost everything, from water to food and recently, for a WI-FI card and where the average wages are $25.
The mysterious Cypher blackmailed Dom to steal a phenomenal device and bring it to her in her cyber high airplane, where she has something precious to bargain. It is something like a rocket component called EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse?) which diabolically can make whole country economies to collapse. The EMP is “retrieved” in Berlin by Dom with his “team”.
The Rock appears here, Kurt Russell accompanied by Clint Eastwood’s son appear together, Helen Mirren as Jason Statham’s mother appears as well. Amazingly, they eventually work jointly, after The Rock loses the device to Dom, who went to Cypher’s plane with it and steals on his own a “nuclear football” from the Russian Minister of Defense who has it with him in his limousine in New York. The “nuclear football” is a briefcase with nuclear codes, usually only POTUS has access to, and also, knowing that maybe those were the Russian nuke codes, why they named them “football”, like the US ones? Also, these things doesn’t leave high secured compounds, don’t you think? Another dumbness: remember the biblical rain with frogs in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia (1999)? Here, in this cartoon, it rains with expensive cars. Why expensive? Because Cypher’s geek, some Asian youngster with blond hair can hack into their inner computers and make them do anything remotely.
The Fate of the Furious – Cast
Vin Diesel is Dominic “Dom” Toretto, a professional street racer. Charlize Theron is Cipher, a criminal mastermind who coerces Dom into working against his team by holding Elena and their son hostage. Dwayne Johnson is Luke Hobbs, a spook who works from time to time with Dom and his team. Jason Statham is Deckard Shaw, an assassin who was imprisoned by Hobbs who serves now as an ally to help Dom’s former team to take him and Cypher down. Michelle Rodriguez is Letty, Dom’s partner, also a professional street racer. Tyrese Gibson is Roman Pearce, a member of Dom’s team, very annoying and apparently with no special talent beside his ghetto talk. Chris “Ludacris” Bridges is Tej, another member of Dom’s team, computer geek and another “genius” of the new formed team. Kurt Russell as Mr Nobody, an intelligence operative and the leader of the newly formed team in their efforts to take down Dom and Cypher and probably prevent the end of the world. Scott Eastwood as “Little Nobody”, a law enforcement agent working under Mr Nobody. Nathalie Emmanuel as Ramsey, a British accented computer hacktivist and a member of Dom’s team, pretty annoying. Elsa Pataky as Elena, mother of Dom’s child. As a special guest star with less than 3′ appearance is Helen Mirren, another Oscar material like Theron, who is Jason Statham’s mother here, helping Dom, actually.
The Fate of the Furious is directed by Straight Outta Compton‘s F. Gary Gray, who handled Theron and Statham in The Italian Job fourteen years ago, in 2003. The screenplay is written by the same vapid Chris Morgan.
Trailer – If You Are Sane, Don’t Waste Your Time
You can make an idea watching the trailer, you find Ludacris rapping his role through the movie like a thirteen year old, and Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham and especially Vin Diesel, as brutish as ever. I kinda like them separately, but here, they flunked it.
Where Are You Going, Folks?
We discover that Vin Diesel is a perfect guy, and actually he works against Theron’s Cypher on his own. He is motivated by her psychopathy. She’s incoherent, she will have a say in world politics and she’ll keep states at distance. They only need to know that she has the means to end the world if she wants.
The feminist Rodriguez wanted a bigger role. I wouldn’t hire her for free even if she is willing to pay for her own expenses. She’s a disaster, not an actress, she doesn’t make any effort to act, it’s a proof she doesn’t know how to. Assorted with The Fate of the Furious‘ retarded screenplay, she is totally out of tune.
Maddening is that The Fate of the Furious (“F8”) made over $1.3 Billion till now, and there is room for much more, so who am I to badmouth such a money well? It may be a symbol of modern times, with fans naming Fifty Shades of Grey, Harry Potter (the most innocent of them all) and Fast and Furious franchises, culture. Good luck Idiocracy!
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